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Godzilla King of the Monsters? More Like... "Let's Kill the Last Dinosaur and Eat It!"

Ishiro Honda's 1954 classic viewed from another perspective.



Most people agree that Godzilla is supposed to be an allegory about nuclear power and its misuse by man. I think that probably holds up for the most part, but I recently watched this and saw something completely differently. This movie is sadistic and cruel towards what could be the very last dinosaur. It may as well be about kicking puppies who mess on the floor when they're not let out to wee all day. It's basically a glorified vision of putting the last nail in the coffin of a species previously thought to be extinct

Godzilla is a huge animal, right? Just a monstrous-sized lizard that's been quietly hanging out deep in the ocean. He's oblivious to the fact that all the other thunder lizards are extinct now. He's just chillin' eating fish and giant octopi. Then at some point in his life, bombs just start exploding in the ocean. These are screwing things up, spilling chemicals and radioactivity all around. This radioactivity has affected him in ways that no one understands. Who knows what the side effects would be for a dinosaur. The least of his problems are the burns on his scales that make him look like some sort of old black tree. But still, this has got to get on his nerves. He's lasted this long without any problems from the world above.

This movie starts about the time when Godzilla's had enough and he's gotten into swatting at boats when they come swimming overhead. They're like pests to him. Coming around where they don't belong, dropping bombs and rubbish. When they don't stop coming he goes to the source. "Might as well find the nest" he thinks. One night he goes to shore. Godzilla doesn't want to mess about too much, the weather is pretty crummy and he accidentally kicks a house. He's had enough and turns around toward home. A day or two later he pops back up during the day when the weather's better. He wanders around until a bunch of people on a hill see him. Everyone is freaked out and he takes off, thinking "This place must be infested!"

A couple of days later, a boat floats over his head and they start dropping bombs. Just to be jerks. He doesn't do anything right away, maybe he was in the bathroom. You know, like you pretend that you are not home when you're doing your business. That night though, he comes up and starts stomping all around the city. A train smashes into his foot and he just picks it up and puts it in his mouth. Eats it! Belligerently wanders around. He goes and tips over some docks, some bridges, then leaves. "That was pretty easy," he thinks.

Maybe like a day later Godzilla shows up again. This time there's a massive wire fence put up. Not really worried, Godzilla walks through it. It gives him an annoying jolt, I'm sure. But that just pisses him off, so much that he blows fire out of his mouth, melting the fence and wires. The people have a bunch of guns and cannons so they start just blasting him. He's being stung by these annoying bullets and he just decides to smash it all up. Stomping and tearing ass through the city. Using his tail and fire breath to just pulverize the buildings. He walks by a clock tower that's eye level to him and it chimes eleven bells. Much like Godzilla, I find those things annoying so he just bites it and knocks it off to the ground. A bunch of people start taking pictures of him on a radio tower. He must have issues with how he looks now or something, so he just grabs it and gnaws on the steel, eating what he can. There's fire and rubble everywhere. He's done a proper job of terrorizing this place and back to the ocean he goes.

Could be a couple of days later, Godzilla's resting in the depths. Satisfied with his rampage and enjoying the lack of bombs. He doesn't seem to notice a little boat overhead and the two people who have dropped down next to him. One of them tosses some sort of metal thing his way and stays behind to see how it goes. Godzilla wakes up pissed, because whatever that thing was it starts burning and bubbling all around him. He jumps up the surface to see a crummy little boat starring at him while he's in agony. They've done him in with a weapon that boiled his meat off to the bone. I wouldn't be surprised if someone scooped up what was floating there and made food out of it.

What sort of movie is this supposed to be? Is this someone's sick fantasy? "Hey, if there was a dinosaur, I'd want to shoot at it and drop bombs on it. Then we can boil it up and eat it." If that's what this is supposed to be then things are more messed up than I thought. What's worse is that I know there are all sorts of these Godzilla movies. Do they just retell the same story over and over? Do they bring Godzilla back to life just to kill him again? What if there are more of these big monster animals? Are they all friends? Are they just trying to live while humans shoot them down and blow them up? What a weird thing to make movies about.


If you come into the store to buy Godzilla on Blu-ray or DVD you'll recieve for FREE a copy of my Godzilla zine. If you just want to buy the zine, that's also available for $2.


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