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"Guilty Pleasures" part one

What a stupid saying. "Guilty Pleasures." Like we're supposed to feel bad for liking something that doesn't fall into society's idea of what "good" is. Don't we already have enough things to actually feel guilty about? Now we have to feel guilty for our pleasures? I mean, if you like something, you like it, right? There must be something in there, some small, tiny part that makes it worthwhile. Right? Right! For example, I certainly don't feel guilty about my love of Arby's, even though I'm supposed to be like "Gross! Arby's! Ha! Ha! Fast-food is bad! But, I love it anyway!(fart sound!)" If anyone is guilty in this situation, it's Arby's...for making such great food! Not me! But this isn't about fast-food (sorry), it's about movies! Movies "the man" wants you to feel "guilty" for loving. So I'll (finally) get to it. Here's some recent "trash" cinema I've come to love: AMIN: THE RISE AND FALL Is The Last King of Scotland a little too oscar winning and classy for you? Are you looking for your history to be told in a more ridiculous over-the-top fashion? Well here's the most awesome, crazy, blood-soaked telling of the Idi Amin story! The movie is constantly at odds with itself; whether it should try be a serious, historical take on Amin's tyrannical rule, or a gory exploitation film! The lead performance by Joseph Olita is a crash-course in nutball overacting! "I just shot the Arch-bishop in the head! What do we do?" In the end, it's more of a violent action movie than sober analysis of Idi Amin, but Barbet Schroeder already made that film (the frightening documentary General Idi Amin Dada), so I say bring on the squibs and machinguns! AND SEVERED HEADS IN THE FREEZER! AND AMIN EATING HIS DEAD FRIEND'S BODY IN THE MORGUE! HISTORY IS THE GRUESOMEST! Amin's freezer! Amin! FUTURE HUNTERS This may be the only ROAD WARRIOR/RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARC ripoff ever. What starts as a post-apocalypse movie, where two parties battle for possession of the mythical "Spear of Longinus" (you know, the one that stabbed Jesus), quickly zips back in time, to the 80s, where whiny, Army dropout, Robert Patrick (the T-1000!) just wants to get to his baseball game, but his girl is totally only interested in studying ancient ruins (in Texas, I think?) like her father before her, and then they get jumped by bikers, but the future-hero from earlier in the movie appears and kills them with the magic spear, then succumbs to a gunshot wound, and then they go to China...or Japan...or Thailand...or somewhere, and there's a karate fight...and Nazi's...in the 80s...um...and then it gets weird...Just watch it okay! It's obviously more awesome than whatever you were gonna' watch, anyway! (Director Cirio Santiago made several other Road Warrior knockoffs that are worthwhile; including, but not limited to: WHEELS OF FIRE, STRYKER, EQUALIZER 2000, THE SISTERHOOD and many more I haven't seen...yet. All of which have awesome painted box art! A special section dedicated to the man is up at the store now! He's one of the greatest exploitation directors of all time!) JOHNNY FIRECLOUD You've all heard of Blaxploitation, but this is the only Native-Americansploitation movie I can think of. It follows the same basic structure of an Blaxploitation revenge film: Johnny has left his Native heritage behind. Johnny goes to 'Nam. Johnny comes home and is racially profiled by local authorities. White Big Boss man who runs town hates Johnny for makin' it with his crazy daughter. Johnny's grandfather/chief is is cruelly harassed and tragically murdered by local rednecks. Johnny loses it and goes on a crazy Indian revenge spree! This plot's probably familiar to exploitation fans, but Johnny dispatches his revenge in a decidedly personal fashion, including a brutal attack with a bag full of rattlers! Also, there's a strangely progressive subplot about a homosexual sheriff. It's on a Something Weird double-feature DVD with a lame soft-core sexploitation movie called BUMMER. NIGHT WARNING Classic drive-in strangeness. Susan Tyrell is incredible in this movie as crazy Aunt Cheryl, who just wants to keep her little boy all to herself...FOREVER! Drive-in cinema stalwart Bo Svenson is great as the most homophobic cop ever (a good counterpoint to Johnny Firecloud's homosexual cop)! Is this movie a PSYCHO ripoff, or a TV movie of the week gone wrong? It's both! And more! Plus, a very young Bill Paxton shows up as a high-school bully! Watch this movie! Seriously! You won't be disappointed! Susan Tyrell! Best crazy aunt ever! That's all for now. Watch all these movies. And love or hate them. Guilt free. Thanks.

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